just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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