i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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