oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
