I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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