Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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