I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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