I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
