the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
