I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
