No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
