just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
