we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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