He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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