Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
