I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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