the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
