I can text with my tongue
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dick very happy bro
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
