I need to stop coming to work sober
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
