Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize