I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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