i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize