The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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