Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize