the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
