hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
