Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
