There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
