I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
