YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
