I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
