Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
