My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
