This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
