listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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