Only a mothe r could love this liver
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
