Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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