I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
