walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
