3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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