So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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