my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
