just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
