what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
