I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We got so high we made milksteak
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
