kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
