I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
