Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
