I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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