I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
