I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
