how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
