if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
