i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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