guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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