dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
