so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
