You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
