Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
