Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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