I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
