I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
