i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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