How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
