This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
