so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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