Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
