it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
be right there i have to get my cape
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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