Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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