Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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