The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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