What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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