i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
