So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
