How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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