Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Randomize
