low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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