I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
