i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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