Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
