he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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