Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize