2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
