never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
