Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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