I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize