You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
