Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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