I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
