Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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