their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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